First time in Cork and I truly enjoyed seeing a new place in Ireland. I learnt that McDonalds in Douglas is the place to be on a Sunday evening at 10pm ha ha. Had some wonderful clients but every second caller either haggled or asked for watersports. I have never had so many requests for watersports before, so am intrigued how Cork and the fetish for watersports connects. I suppose I will never be any the wiser! Ps. I do not offer Water Sports.
Flying into Dublin a few weeks ago, I was comfortably dozing off only to be woken by what felt like hundreds of needles being inserted into my forehead when the plane started descending. I have never had any problems with flying before so did worry a bit after. Apparently, sinusitis according to a doctor client of mine.. But just ouch on the pain, a completely new experience!
Worried flying back again to England and had strict instructions to take aspirin, paracetamol and to insert ear plugs when about to descend. As we were taxiing on the approach to the runway I saw lots of movement. All rabbits running around on the actual runway, ideally because they were nicely with each other in my mind 🙂 (but they could of course have been males trying to beat each other up for the females attention!)
Aspirin and paracetamol taken and on descend inserted ear plugs. Amazing how quiet it gets! First time trying ear plugs. But no pain so just yay on the advice.
I suppose one must keep up! So I have set up a twitter account for musings here and there. It is all new to me but I will learn 🙂
I love good food and am very likely to purr like a Cheshire cat if I am served a spectacular meal. Cue Belfast on my first tour. At the end of a busy weekend and with a couple of hours to spare, I had spotted a little bistro called ‘Deanes Deli’ which seemed to attract all the local business people which is always a good sign. So in I went and ordered a three course lunch.. Goats Cheese Fritters with an onion marmelade to start, Pork Belly with Mash and gravy and finished off with a Pear and Apple crumble with a sea salted caramel ice cream. It was simply perfect from start to finish and what made it even better was that the main course was served by a (obviously having had a drink or more the night before) waiter, who put down the plate and said ‘enjoy your meal miss’ with a big smile with some missing teeth. Life just does not get better than this!
This was a thread that made me giggle on Punternet some time back… Worth publishing on here..
You know you are a WG/Punter when.. …..
…..You go to a nightclub and see a man arrive with 2 stunning women who then proceeds to start kissing each other on the dance floor with every guy in the place feeling jealous of the lucky guy.. You know you are a WG because it takes one to spot one (two in this case!!)
…..You know you are a WG when it never seems to bother you throwing your lingerie across the room anymore.. Here is to the days of taking it off under the covers (pre-WG days )
…..Whenever you see a beautiful girl/lady and you wonder if or hope she is an escort and how much her hourly rate is.
…..When in restaurants you look around and see if you can spot an escort/client combination at another table.
…..When a friend says “I’m going punting in Cambridge this weekend” and wonders why you suddenly choke on your drink!
…..When you go on a package holiday and have your fingers crossed that the free watersports is actually snorkling or windsurfing.
…..When O – levels and A – levels are talked about and you are not thinking of history or English Literature!!
…..When you are always in superdrug buying condoms lube and baby wipes and the cashiers look at you weird.
…..When a woman smiles at you on the tube and you give her a fiver
So, what sort of things gets discussed during a booking?
I have listed some of the funny, odd and unusual conversations I have had during meets.
… Why is it that many men in Peterborogh always seem to have beards?? I have asked several clients from Peterborough but have never had a decent answer.
…The difference in taste between low-fat and regular custard!!
…How the electric chair was invented by a dentist…
…How to clean a microwave (put bowl of water with a slice of lemon and leave on full power for 10 mins. Everything stuck just falls off, so I am told. (Quite a handy tip that, must try it very soon)
…The problems of blocked anal gland(s) in small canine pets. I know!!
…The poor state of the pavement outside the venue…we both agreed we should contact the council.
…Which fabric softner is best.
…Preferring a hard or softer matress.
…The IRA bombings
…The correct procedure for inseminating cows… ie… how they get the man cow in position to make love to the lady cow… it is far more complex than you think… just giving her a bottle of Jacobs Creek and a box of Ferrero Rochers won’t do it…
…How to dispose of a dead sheep without incurring vets fees!
…How to cook goulash…
This is a post which was written by the poster Sasfan on Punternet some years ago. It is satirical and very much tongue in cheek so please do not take it seriously (because some did!)
Despite protestations to the contrary, what the lady wants is the smell of a REAL man, that earthy pong of honest sweat. You may be offered the use of bathing facilities, do not fall for this, it is a well known ploy to test your suitability as a regular (accept and you may never return), just ignore it, whip your todger out and say the magic words “get yer larfin gear round that then gal!!”, it works every time.
Most if not all ladies are rather shy and retiring, in so many ways they are like delicate flowers that need to be gently and repeatedly questioned before they finally open up and reveal their innermost feelings and desires, hence the need to totally disregard any form of limitations in the area of services provided, they ALL supply, and indeed crave, ALL forms of sexual activity, don’t be put off by a list of “don’ts” because the implication behind that list is “well I do, but don’t tell anybody”.
Although this part of the deal is of the least interest to the lady (it’s just pandering to tradition really) it needs dealing with in a business like manner. I expect that you have seen a couple (almost a rarity these days) of adverts that state that payment is to be in “cash only”, well to be frank these ladies are a little bit behind the times, there are major disadvantages to cash and your refusal to use it will be appreciated enormously once you explain the advantages of the cheque.
1. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that she is £20 short
2. No more embarrassing moments when the lady discovers that you have overpaid by £20
3. The dud note problem is eliminated
4. No more having to keep an accurate count of income for tax purposes, just pay it in to the bank account and let the accountant do the rest
The list is endless, the lady will be indebted to you for life.
Obviously the security of the lady is paramount but “what about my security on an incall?” I hear you ask, a very good point and very well made say I, have no fears on that score because the punting fraternity have already got that one fully sussed out. All ladies that do incall are now legally required to have an arrangement with their Neighbourhood Watch Committee, so before you set out just take a note of their number and when you are ensconced inside the dwelling just give them a quick bell and inform them of the Lady’s name, address and mobile number and the duration of your stay, a 2 minute call and you’re all done and dusted.
This is a very expensive and sensitive area for a lady, getting just that right balance of titillation without straying into the vulgar can be quite a soul-searching task, you can be of great assistance here, by following all the previous guidelines you will soon find the lady of your dreams and quickly become a regular, so why not be really helpful and give her some free advertising, get a T shirt made up using the following template.
LILY OF LEYTONSTONE TAKES IT UP THE BACKSIDE (with her mobile number of course).
Wear that every day and she will shower you (golden if that is your preference) with praise and be your soul mate for life.
Initial contact: –
I believe that I have already posted information on this subject but I shall incorporate it just for the sake of completeness. This is a much forgotten, misunderstood yet so important feature of punting; as in most things in life first impressions are the ones that stick, they are the very bedrock that will support and nurture future appointments, so get it right. I shall endeavour to cover the two main methods of initial contact and give as many tips as possible, however you will have your own style so treat the following as a guide only and not something to be slavishly followed :-
The lady logs on and views her inbox, she has 2 Emails, one has a subject of “I would like to arrange an incall appointment” the other has a subject of “r u up 4 it or wot”, bit of a no-brainer really. The first is very likely to be from some lily-livered wimp called Tarquin wanting to make a booking for a 3 hour “mutual enjoyment experience”, the chances are that the lady will delete that without bothering to open it, whereas the second one will really catch her eye, she will know from experience that inside will be the promise of an hour of good hard shagging by a real man.
Make the body of the Email short, sharp and preferably explicit, don’t hint at things you want, be open and upfront, the lady does not want to have to read between the lines or look for subtext, after all what she desires above everything else is an assertive male that knows what he wants and gets it, phrases like “I would like to indulge in a little tradesmans entrance play” is for the Tarquin’s of this world and just will not cut the mustard with a WG, be bold and write “your backside will make the Mersey Tunnel look like a drinking straw when I’m done with you”, this is what excites the lady, this is what gets her going, you really can’t go wrong with this sort of approach.
Picture if you can the following scene, it is 3 O’clock in the afternoon and the lady is reading “Bleak House” or working on her needlepoint, as an aside I think this is an appropriate place to dispel a widely held misconception, WG’s do not have a “normal” life outside of working, they are on call 24/7, it is not work that they do it is a vocation, her biological clock is in perfect harmony with your sexual desires; they are always dressed in erotic lingerie and will respond well to repeated enquiries as to what they are wearing, but I digress.
The phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-
“Hello Thelma, my name is Tarquin, I wonder if you would be available this afternoon ……….”
Not unsurprisingly all he will hear (if he is lucky) is a loud “click”
An alternative to the above is, the phone rings, the lady answers and hears :-
“Get your tits out, get your tits out, get your tits out for the lads …………. Wot u wearin’ then?”
Instant rapport, the lady will be overcome with excitement, you’ve pulled, I rest my case.